Machine Gun Kelly is opening up about his struggles with mental health.
The singer, born Colson Baker, got candid about how his life took a downward spiral after his father’s death in 2020 in his new Hulu documentary “Life in Pink,” which premiered on Monday.
“I flew to my dad’s apartment to clear all this stuff out,” the 32-year-old recalled. “I had this really weird interaction with this neighbor who told me all these things I didn’t want to hear. That f—- me up even more because I couldn’t get closure on it. I wouldn’t leave my room and I started getting really, really, really dark.”
According to the “Papercuts” artist, his father died on the first anniversary of his “Hotel Diablo” album release. At the time, his fiancee, Megan Fox, had to travel for work.
Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly attend “Machine Gun Kelly’s Life In Pink” premiere on June 27, 2022, in New York City. (Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images)
“Megan went to Bulgaria to shoot a movie and I started getting this really wild paranoia,” said Kelly. “Like I kept getting paranoid that someone was gonna come and kill me. I would always sleep with a shotgun next to my bed, and like, one of the days, I just f—ing snapped.”
That’s when Kelly reached out to the actress.
“I called Megan, I was like, ‘You aren’t here for me,’” said Kelly. “I’m in my room and I’m like freaking out on her and dude, I put the shotgun in my mouth and I’m yelling on the phone and like the barrel’s in my mouth. I go to cock the shotgun and the bullet as it comes back up, the shell just gets jammed. Megan’s like dead silent.”
The musician said that moment was a turning point for him. He realized that something was “not right” with how he was feeling.
Machine Gun Kelly admitted he tried to take his life after losing his father. (Taylor Hill/FilmMagic)
Fox, 36, and Kelly’s 12-year-old daughter, Casie, also shared their concerns with him.
“They simultaneously came at me with this like, ‘I want to like, be able to see in your eyes. I don’t want to like be talking to you through a veil anymore. I want to see you as my father and I want to see you as my husband-to-be,’” said Kelly. “I was like, ‘I need to kick the drugs, for real, this time.’”
In the documentary, Kelly explained how Fox has been supportive during this grim time in his life. The couple confirmed their relationship in July 2020 after meeting on the set of “Midnight in the Switchgrass.” They got engaged in January of this year. The pair famously sealed the union by drinking “each other’s blood.”
“Megan became like the sun to me – like the one that I revolve around and gives me life and like helps me grow,” he explained. “It’s just like every fairytale that they never told you in school, that they never taught you. Like the passion between us is otherworldly. I know I’ve known her in so many lifetimes.”
Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox got engaged in January of this year. (Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Images for MRC)
In December 2020, Kelly told Interview magazine he was seeking therapy to improve his mental health.
“Currently, my drug of choice is happiness and commitment to the art, rather than commitment to a vice that I believed made the art,” he said at the time. “I’m taking steps. I had my first therapy session last Thursday. That’s the first time I ever went, ‘Hey, I need to separate these two people,’ which is Machine Gun Kelly and Colson Baker. The dichotomy is too intense for me.”